I've not written many posts this year, since the farther I get away from
going through cancer and treatment, the less I want to think about it. In May, I had a checkup at my new hematologist at UCSF, including an optional PET/CT scan. This visit showed that I remain cancer-free. With NHL, that's a little tricky to know. But there were no enlarged lymph nodes or suspicious elevated metabolic activities anywhere in my body and my bloodwork was normal. I have no symptoms, although I never really did besides a big lymph node in my neck. Depending on when you start counting, I'm almost two years post-treatment. The hematologist drew me a graph showing that generally, if the NHL hasn't returned within two years, it's probably not going to. We didn't really get the all-clear until December 2013, so I will feel even more at ease after my next 6-month checkup. After that, I'll only have an annual checkup.
As I referred to in my April post, we have resumed our mission to become parents. We had an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist that was recommended by the folks at U of M who helped retrieve and freeze our embryos. She worked in a private practice that told us up front they wouldn't accept our (excellent) insurance. I was really anxious leading up to that appointment, and basically it didn't go well. I didn't like the way that she failed to respond to my emotional state. She barely made eye contact with me, and even when I asked a question, she would answer it while facing my partner. She abruptly suggested that I be screened as a potential carrier of genetic diseases that can interfere with healthy pregnancy. It involved a take home kit where I would fill a large test tube with my salivas and then put it in the mail. If I was identified as being a carrier of any of the 100+ genes, then my partner would be screened, too. What came to mind was the movie GATTACA, which I used to show in my science classrooms. What strikes me now is how excited she was about having us move forward with IVF. She may have been genuinely excited for us, but I also imagine there would have been some major financial perks for her whether it was successful or not. Did I mention that she was young and attractive? That didn't help her case, especially when it started to feel like she was flirting with my partner. Luckily, my partner was open to trying other providers, and a friend suggested that we shop around instead of settling for someone that didn't seem like a good fit.
I soon scheduled an appointment with the Reproductive Medicine Center at UCSF and we've had a ridiculously better experience there. They had access to my cancer records since my hematologist is there, and they had clearly reviewed my file before I got there. The doctor I chose has a specific interest in helping people get pregnant after cancer. She suggested that we try on our own for a few more months, then try some of the more natural alternatives to IVF. She also suggested a "family prep screen" like the first doctor did, but she did it in a more respectful manner and offered a blood test version of the kit. It took two weeks to find out that I'm not a carrier for any of the diseases they screened me for. I asked about having my fallopian tubes evaluated, since that's something my mom had done when she was having trouble getting pregnant with my brother. The doctor said there was no reason to suspect I had blocked or damaged fallopian tubes, but that the procedure could be both diagnostic and therapeutic. So I had to wait for the right time in my cycle, then had the rather unpleasant hysterosalpingram procedure. It took about an hour and was the most painful thing I've experienced so far, but it ended up showing that both of my fallopian tubes are open.
Meanwhile, my partner was in China on a business trip. During the extra week he spent there, he visited a Taoist holy mountain called Huashan and prayed on the top of three peaks for us to have a baby. When he got back to the US it was right around when I was probably ovulating, so we tried the old fashioned way a few times. I had medication (Clomid) to take once my next period started that would help me to ovulate extra, but I didn't end up taking it because my period never came. After about 5 days past my expected period, we did a home pregnancy test and it said we were pregnant! I called UCSF and they had me do HCG bloodwork that day and three days later (on my partner's 40th birthday!) which confirmed I really was pregnant. We're now about 8 weeks along. Had our first ultrasound a week ago and saw a tiny fluttering heart beating at 126bpm inside a 5mm fetus. So amazing!
I feel a little different being pregnant. My breasts are tender most of the time, I get tired more quickly and am definitely taking more naps. My pants are already a little tighter, which makes sense since my uterus is already the size of an orange while the baby is only a little raspberry-sized thing. I'm having to eat smaller, more frequent meals, but I'm still going to the gym during the week and doing the same workouts which is nice. We have another ultrasound at UCSF next week and then we may switch over to seeing a midwife rather than a specialist for the remainder of the pregnancy. Hopefully I will be in the low-risk pregnancy category so we can have a home birth. Lots of research to do about providers and ways to prepare for something like that.
It feels a little weird to blog about this on the same site where I shared my cancer journey, but I suppose it's all part of the same journey. I'd like this to be an inspiration for other young people going through treatment who hope to have children afterwards. It is possible! I'm not planning to share this news on Facebook any time soon but it's been really fun to tell people in person. I figure if you're reading this then you've been following my story all along and you'll appreciate the good news!
I'm so grateful for the support we continue to receive from all around us, and thanks for reading!
