New Territory

This is the first weekend for a long time that hasn't been full of work and school tasks. I only have a few things on my calendar, and they are mostly fun things. I'm looking forward to laying low and letting my body recover from the long week. I'm about half-way through my second round of chemo, and this round has felt distinctly different from the first. I wasn't nearly as wired and energized by the prednisone in the first part of the cycle, and I have had cold-like symptoms (congestion, sneezing, body aches) for most of the week. I also had a few extremely weepy days where tears were flowing in response to things that would not normally have evoked them. Some of the body sensations I've had this week don't fit into previously used categories like nausea or pain, so I'm trying to develop some new vocabulary to describe what I'm feeling. Having limited words to describe the sensations also makes it hard to decide how to soothe myself in the face of those sensations. Are they uncomfortable enough sensations that I want to take a pill to treat them? If so, what kind of medication do I take? Tylenol? Anti-nausea drugs? Benadryl? There's also the psychological challenge of noticing these sensations and worrying that they are going to become more common and extreme in future cycles. Realizing that there may be days where I can't or won't want to get out of bed. Being grateful that I can get up and do things now. So much for not having any side effects. I was hoping that the lack of side effects during the first round really was indicative of a low side-effect future. So I'm also a little disappointed and having to readjust my expectations.

All of this is going on during a week where I submitted two grant applications for work, was presented with two student awards at the WMU annual awards ceremony, got my official acceptance letter into the Printmaking BFA program, and attended the opening reception for the Annual Student Exhibition, where three of my prints are on display. I also continue to be overwhelmed with surprise gifts, cards, and notes from people outside of Kalamazoo who are rooting for me. Thank you! It has been a week full of powerful emotions, most of which were incredibly life-affirming and energizing. And I really needed energy and love to get through this week, so am so grateful for the support in all the ways that we are receiving it.

In hair news, my shedding seems to have slowed down so I still have some left. My current hypothesis is that the rest of it will fall out starting next Thursday, which is 14 days after my most recent infusion. Hmmm... if I were a gambling woman this would be a good opportunity to start up a betting pool. When will all my hair be gone? For some reason I'm reminded of the cow pattie bingo that was always played at UC Davis' picnic day. You bet on a square in a giant grid and then they release the cows and whoever's square get's pooped in first, wins! It's not really that shitty (sorry, I just had to get that in here) that I'm losing my hair, and I'm getting used to wearing hats and head scarves whenever I'm outside the house.

School will be out in a few more weeks, so that will be a good transition into a slower and more simple schedule. I can then use the time that I would be in class to take really good care of myself. I'm looking forward to doing more backyard gardening this year, since I won't be part of the gardening program at work this summer. It will be a nice way to get outside, bond with the earth, and grow some yummy food!