Just got my fourth round of R-CHOP infusions on Thursday which officially puts me into the second half of my chemotherapy treatments. Looking back at the last 9 weeks, time has certainly flown by and I'm grateful that it hasn't been too rough of a journey so far. I'm feeling less stressed now that school is out and the weather is warming up. When a good friend was here a few weeks ago, we planted kale, onions, beans, and spinach in the backyard garden. I'm looking forward to a great summer where I hope to be declared cancer-free by the end of July. The medical bills are certainly piling up, and I'm doing my best to stay calm and remember that most of the medical providers are willing to make no-interest payment plans and many of them offer financial assistance if we qualify. So far we've been denied financial assistance because either we make too much or my retirement account is too full and therefore disqualifies me. Once I've finished chemo and had another PET scan and the rest of the bills come in, I should have a general sense of my overall financial responsibility for this treatment and I imagine our assets will be pretty depleted by then so hopefully we'll be eligible for financial assistance by then. Okay, now I'm feeling tacky for talking about money, but I just want to acknowledge that this is a big part of the stress of having cancer. I'm resistant to the idea of withdrawing money from my retirement account, small as it is, because it feels initial symbolic- like I'm withdrawing faith in my own longevity. The truth is that it's just a special savings account for emergencies and this certainly qualifies as one. I've got plenty of working years to build it back up again. There is one thing for sure that I wish I had in place before I was diagnosed. I wish I had better medical insurance. The student health insurance I have through WMU has a $100,000 maximum benefit per condition that I will exceed soon. It's still better than having no health insurance, because they've been paying 80% of my bills so far and they have the negotiated discounts with the medical providers. But I added an additional policy with Blue Cross Blue Shield in March that has lower premiums and no maximum per condition and also includes a maximum out-of-pocket for me. The only problem with that insurance is that there is a mandatory 6-month waiting period for pre-existing conditions unless you've previously had an employer-sponsored insurance plan (which I didn't). My coverage will kick in with BCBS (conveniently for them) right after I'm done with treatment. So for anyone reading this, I highly recommend reviewing the fine print of your health insurance, checking with eHealthinsurance.com, and seeing if there is a better, cheaper plan out there for you and your loved ones.
Now back to more happy stuff. I'm really enjoying the greening of Kalamazoo as it warms up and we get spring rain and thunderstorms. Many of the trees are in bloom, bulbs are flowering, and the birds are singing. My new haircut certainly helps me regulate my temperature- I can drive with the window down and feeling the breeze on my scalp when I'm having a hot flash. Many folks have commented that I have a "great-shaped head." For a while I wasn't sure if people were just saying that because they don't get to see many people's shaved heads. But when an oncology nurse echoed their comments, I asked her if everyone's heads turn out to be "great-shaped." She said absolutely not- many people have lumpy, asymmetrical skulls. So I guess I lucked out. I'm also quite happy that I still have eyebrows and eyelashes, which many patients lose as part of chemo. They've certainly thinned, but they're not gone. I still have some arm hair, very thin and scattered leg hair, and pretty much no underarm hair which is actually pretty convenient. I can literally take a 2 minute shower with a bar of soap and dry off very quickly, too.
As treatment #4 drew near, I was appreciating not having to take any pills and being able to eat and drink whatever I wanted. So I was also dreading the upcoming infusion and the possible side effects. I want to feel positive things about the treatment and I do believe it's working, but I still am experiencing some conditioned responses. I made sure not to eat too much when I got home from chemo on Thursday because after treatment #3 I came home and ravenously ate a rich meal and then couldn't handle eating any of the leftovers. Not because it didn't taste good or that it made me nauseous- I just associated the meal so strongly with being at the cancer center getting infused that I didn't want to relive it. I've also found that I consumed way too many products with ginger of various forms in them at the beginning of treatment and I now have a hard time enjoying the flavor. I will have to find a way to re-associate that flavor with health and positive things because I don't want to leave it out of my diet. Still, all of these things will hopefully be temporary minor challenges that will be over by the end of the summer. And I am so thankful for that.
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