The Situation

On Wednesday, January 23, 2013, I received my initial diagnosis from the Otolaryngology Department at the University of Michigan. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, which I will likely refer to as "NHL" in future posts. Right now, the pathologist(s) at U of M are still working on the three lymph nodes that were removed from my neck on Friday, January 18 to see specifically what kind of NHL is  at work/play in my system. I got a CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis on Friday, January 25 and am scheduled for a PET scan this Tuesday. Both of those scans will help Dr. Marcia Liepman at the West Michigan Cancer Center (conveniently located in downtown Kalamazoo) determine the stage of the lymphoma on Friday, and I assume that we'll get some basic information at that point about treatment options. I have not had any other symptoms besides the lump in my neck so I expect to be either Stage 1 or 2. I will be very surprised if I at a later stage that that. I also feel grateful to have a diagnosis after five months, having a good friend who has survived NHL but was misdiagnosed for the first year or so.

The most common response I'm getting from people is that they are sorry this is happening to me. I don't know what I would say to me in this situation, but I understand that people experience some pressure to say the "right" thing in moments like this. I feel very clear that there is not a "right" thing to say, and that there isn't really anything that could be said that would change the situation. It's a very strange thing to "out" myself as a cancer survivor to people but it also seems weird to NOT tell people who I have relationships with. I've also been contemplating the various terms associated with this situation- "survivor" in particular. An elder coached me yesterday to think of "surpassing" this situation and not simply surviving. Still, it's better to be thinking of myself as a cancer survivor rather than a cancer patient. He also encouraged me to think of this as a "situation" rather than a problem or obstacle, which was quite a comforting thought this morning compared to the last few mornings when I woke up with a panicked gasp. There is such power in the words we choose to use, which reminds me of Don Miguel Ruiz' Four Agreements. If you haven't had a chance to read that short book and are looking for something, I highly recommend it.

As I said above, I have no other symptoms. This means that I'm staying in school, keeping my job, and maintaining as much normalcy in my life for as long as I can. I look forward to having more information to share, and all I need right now is your love and positive energy (and prayers if you're into that). I would prefer to have a "cancer-free" Facebook page for now, but will likely share this blog via Facebook at some point. Thanks for reading, and may you be well.

P.S. The title of this blog is adapted from a song that we sang yesterday:
Porque te amo tanto!
Porque te amo tanto, tanto, tanto!
Porque te amo tanto!
Con todo mi corazon.

It means "because I love you so much, with all of my heart" and I modified it to say "Porque Nos Amo Tanto" or "because I love us all so much."