As my oncology appointment next week draws near, I'm feeling more agitated and stressed out. Although my first chemo treatment has not yet been officially scheduled, I imagine that it will begin soon after my Thursday appointment. It doesn't help that I've been getting up at 5am every other morning to drive to Ann Arbor for egg check-ups and that I'm full of FSH and the extra estradiol that my body is producing in response. Hopefully I can get back on a somewhat normal sleep schedule after the retrieval early next week. On a positive note, I got to see progress in my follicles at the appointment on Weds so at least I feel more hopeful that we'll get a few embryos "on file" soon. Writing this is certainly helping me slow down and calm myself a bit. I actually took out some of my anger earlier today by yelling at robots on automated phone directories at UPS and Walgreens- a victimless crime. Of course, then I realized that at least one of those directories had warned me that the call might be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Sorry, UPS!
I'm trying to honor negative emotions that come up without getting consumed by them, and brainstorming a quick list of things I'm grateful for usually helps change my frame of reference if I need it.
What am I grateful for at this exact moment in time? Wonderful people in my life. Sunrises and Sunsets. My hair. The privilege of actually having health insurance, even if it doesn't cover everything. The Kalamazoo community. My doctors. That I don't feel sick right now. Science. Bird songs. Kale Chips. Unexpected gifts. Music. Art. Love.
The Fertile Hope program sounds like a wonderful service from Livestrong. We're sending good thoughts for your continued progress with that process and hope you can get some good sleep next week once your long drives to Ann Arbor are done. Do you have any fun spots you like to go to in Ann Arbor? If you're looking for a good lunch sometime near the UM med center there is a place called the Grizzly Peak that has a great grilled veggie sandwich. Your positive, grateful attitude will go far and I'm sure the Walgreens/UPS robots won't mind the occasional screaming for your to release some steam!
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