Falling Snow... and Hair

Wednesday was the first day of spring, and the snow was blowing sideways outside the window as I wrote this. On Sunday, the first sign of my hair falling out appeared. As I was drying my hair, I noticed that a few strands came out at a time as I ran my hands through. That night, I dreamt that pieces of my actual scalp were coming off with large clumps of hair- way more gross than reality. On Monday, even more hair came out in the shower and when I gently used my brush. It's coming out slower than I thought it would, but it's clearly happening. And right on time- the doctor said it would take about two weeks after the first treatment for hair to start falling. Yesterday was the two week deadline. So now I'm faced with a decision. How long do I wait before I cut it off? I want to capture a bit of the thinning process through my photo documentation project, but I also want to have enough hair left to have a gratifying "shaving my head" experience. It will be interesting to see whether the rate of shedding increases or if it stays pretty constant. It's definitely more of a psychological challenge than a physical one. It doesn't hurt when my hair comes out, although I've had a very mild headache recently so maybe that's related. And there might be a little bit of tingling on my scalp now that I think about it. The challenge is more about staying calm amidst the anticipation of being looked at or treated differently after I have no hair at all. And wondering whether I'll be able to stay warm enough in this weather without hair on my head. I've got a growing collection of scarves and hats thanks to my supporters, so it should be fine. I wonder if my eyelashes and eyebrows will fall off, too? No sign of that so far. Other body hair may be falling off, too, and I'm happy to share details of that offline if you're interested. I've promised one of the nurses at the cancer center that I'll tell her all the details. She says people don't often share about other types of hair that fall off in the process, and I think it's interesting what does and does not get talked about.

At the gym yesterday, I noticed two anchormen on a sports show who were bald or balding and who were clearly shaving the rest of their heads. It looked so normal and acceptable. I don't have many mental images of females with little or no hair and I'm certainly curious about what I'll look like. Didn't Brittney Spears have a crisis and shave her head?  Susan Powter comes to mind, as well as Sinead O'Connor and Natalie Portman. I am grateful to have a friend in "real life" who is totally beautiful with very little hair on her head. All this gets me thinking about vanity and appearance and identity, and reminds me that I'm grateful to have not spent a lot of time worrying about hair and makeup during my life so far. For now, my hair is up in a ponytail and I will post again soon. Thanks for reading!