Going... going...

...not gone yet! I've decided to put off shaving my head, since I've lost at least half of my hair at this point and I'll have plenty of time to have short hair when it starts growing back after treatment. I read a woman's blog where she didn't shave her head so that she could see how much hair stayed put and she coined the term "skullet." Her approach appeals to me right now, since most of the people who shave their heads seem to do it to claim a sense of control over the situation. I'm not feeling particularly out of control, and there's something oddly comforting about having some evidence that the chemo meds are actually doing something inside my body. Up until this point, it's all felt very surreal and abstract. So in moments where I start thinking ahead about whether the treatment is really going to "cure" my lymphoma, thinking about whether the treatment will cause long term damage to my heart or will cause some other cancer to develop down the line, I can stop and reflect on the fact that right now I'm fighting THIS cancer. I can accept that this is happening now, and that there's not much point in thinking about what's coming next besides a visualizing of being alive, healthy and happy. I've been doing a lot of deep exhalation and letting go. My photographic collaborator and I are doing our best to capture the process, and at some point soon I'll be willing and able to share some of those images via this site. I imagine that all or most of my hair will be off my head in a week or so, based on the rate of shedding so far. The sun is shining on the fresh snow outside right now, so I am thankful for the light and the beautiful shadows that are cast. Gotta get back to work!