Independence Day

Twenty three years ago today my grandfather passed away after being diagnosed with lung cancer. I was in middle school and was a little bit aware that he had been sick, but I probably hadn't seen him since Christmas or so. I have strong memories of his memorial service- especially this one visual of his casket coming out of the floor of the funeral chapel. He was only 70 years old, and his wife, my grandmother, lived for another 22 years after he passed.

It has been two weeks since my last chemotherapy treatment and I am getting a PET scan on July 15th to determine whether further treatment is necessary. I will get the results of that scan late in the day on July 19th. It's hard to believe that I'm already almost done with treatment- I don't consider it over until next Thursday, when I would have been going in for another infusion. I am hopeful that my body will come out of "chemopause" soon thereafter and am looking forward to seeing what my new hair will look like. It hasn't been too hard to be bald over the last four months- the community is generally supportive and I get a lot of "you have a nice-shaped head" comments. It helps that I can pass for a radical white girl who may have just shaved her head to rebel against dominant culture standards of beauty. Also, I have been able to continue working full time and don't look otherwise ill. I decided not to do any non-home work today and of course as I slow down, the fears and thoughts about the future bubble up. Normally I'm too busy to pay attention to those things. Will I be able to get pregnant some day? Will I live to see my own grandchildren? Who knows. I can only hope that I will be lucky enough to have those experiences sometime.

I'm also fighting a mild cold or pre-bronchitis that feels similar to how I felt during round three. I'm taking antibiotics, drinking tons of liquids, and monitoring my body temp (over 100 degrees = phone call to my oncologist and potential ER trip). I spent some time in the garden this afternoon, weeding and checking in on my string beans, onions, kale, and tomatoes. It was nice to be outside, working in the dirt, listening to my body. I got tired after an hour or so and came back inside. I'm looking forward to having more physical energy again- in fact I hope to enroll in a Livestrong program at the YMCA that starts in August. They have free personal training for cancer survivors and I figure that will be a good way to get back in shape. I've stayed pretty active, but I like the idea of doing some weight training and chipping away at my BMI.

As luck would have it, I just took my temperature and scored a 100.2 so got to call my oncologist on a holiday. She is so awesome. We agreed that going to the ER the last time may have been unnecessary and so I've just taken some Tylenol which is all that resulted from that trip. If my fever comes back and reaches 100.5 I'll call again. I'm hoping that won't be necessary. Back to bed now!